When people talk about studying abroad as an international student, they usually focus on what you’re gaining.
A degree. Independence. New experiences. A global perspective.
But there’s something else happening at the same time–something that often goes unnamed.
You’re also experiencing loss.
Not always in obvious ways. Not always in ways you can easily explain. But it’s there.
You may find yourself missing things you didn’t expect:
- The ease of speaking your first language
- The comfort of knowing how things work
- The version of yourself that felt more confident, more certain
- Being around people who have known you for years
These are what psychologist Doug Ota describes in Safe Passage as hidden losses. The kinds of losses that aren’t always visible, but still deeply felt.
And when loss isn’t recognized, it often shows up in other ways:
- Irritability
- Exhaustion
- Disconnection
- A vague sense that something just feels “off”
You might even question yourself:
“Why am I feeling like this? This is such a great opportunity.”
But grief doesn’t cancel out gratitude. You can feel both at the same time.
You can be grateful for where you are and still miss where you came from.
You can be excited about your future and still feel the weight of what you’ve left behind.
Nothing about that is contradictory. It’s human.
Sometimes it helps to gently ask yourself:
- What do I miss that surprised me?
- What felt easy before that now feels harder?
- What parts of my life haven’t been replaced here yet?
Putting words to these experiences doesn’t make you weaker.
It helps you make sense of what you’re carrying.
And often, that’s the first step toward feeling more like yourself again.
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